My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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