somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
