why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
