I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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