I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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