you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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