I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
