you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
