He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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