So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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