I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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