K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we're making bets on your personal life
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
