theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
