people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
