The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
