so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
