I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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