can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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