It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Who died my cat blue again?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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