Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
