Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
