So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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