he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
