I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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