Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She is in my trunk
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
