Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
