So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
