I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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