69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
