maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm like, not good at living.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
