I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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