Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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