oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
