the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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