I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
