Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I supernannyed him into submission
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
