Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He passed out mid-signature
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
