I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
