Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
