Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
