Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
