your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
