I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize