Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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