wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
