do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
