you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
True strength comes from lack of pants
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
