there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
