If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
