well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
