Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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