I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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