I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
