I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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