I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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