i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I supernannyed him into submission
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
