That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
