my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
