Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
