The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
