so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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