I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i don't like sucking hair
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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