Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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