I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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