It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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