I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
