Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
