Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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