I hate all girls vehemently.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
