Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I will pee on everything he values.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
