Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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