**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
