Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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