I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I still have a little drunk in my system
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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