And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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