I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
