I can text with my tongue
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
